Meaning

this is for me. not really for anyone else. so i don't care if you read. i don't care if you think what i have to say is stupid. im doing this for me.

im taking a journey to find myself. to find who i am. and im doing it with the help of God. so here we go God. me and you and whoever wants to read this thing here. i want to do this the right way and i want to be who God wants me to be so that i can be complete again. because i've fallen so far away from who i was and who i need to be.

its the summer and summer's monotony has led me to find the time to do what ive really needed to do for so long - without judgment from people who try to help. who say that i can be okay if i just set my mind to it. its not that easy. sorry, you just don't know.

so im reading this book - this book that i cant help but think that God threw at me. it's about renovating your heart and is appropriately titled Renovation of the Heart. if youre traveling on this journey with me - maybe youll benefit too.

first off i want to put some verses that have just spoken to me out here:

"Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again. Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst - not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life" John 4:13-14 isn't it so true? I mean, once you've tasted those springs of faith that Jesus so humbly gives to us, there is is no way you can turn your back on them without a guilty conscious. when you're broken and down it's Him you hunger for - his healing that you thirst for. and he never ever turns his back on us. it's that endless life that calls to us over and over again. we just have to find it.

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11 this is probably one of the hardest yet most comforting things for me to handle. so this guy, He's got it all figured out for me when i can't even decide what to eat for lunch today. and i'm just supposed to trust that his plan is the plan that's best for me. sometimes i butt up against this and i work against it, because i dont know - i just dont know what is right in this life. what's even harder is that im not supposed to. but im living for God and he will ultimately show me the way. i'll trust in Him.

Dear God,

I realize that you have a vision for my life - a vision unique to me. I acknowledge that You know me intimately and You love me. I want to respond to You today and tell You, "I'm in!" All I know is that You want to renovate my heart and all I need to do is take one small step at a time. Show me these steps, Lord, and I will follow.